It's how you play the game!

This post is stemming from an article I ran across online this morning. It has taken me all day to be calm enough to write in a humane fashion. I apologize for any anger you sense in my words. I will do my best to bring it down a few notches. In case you did not see the article, I am pasting it below. I do not know this person, nor do I know anyone whose comments were left.

http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2011/3/17/2056159/ncaa-wrestling-championships-2011-one-legged-anthony-robles-top-seed

The article itself is not what set me off, it was the comments of others who voiced their opinion, which is perfectly fine, but know I am going to voice mine as well. It takes alot for me to get irritated by what others think, and most of the time it only makes me stronger, but for some reason this hit a nerve. It takes a lot of courage to publicly share a disability and not be self conscience, regardless of what severity the disability entails. To know you have finally built enough courage up to want to be involved, there is always that someone who wants to drive you right back into that shell.

Today, all sports are about winning. And, if for some reason you don't win, you are most often saddened by what may be a lack of effort or because there is room for improvement. But, the next time around you find it in you to do a little better, right? That attitude is what I have dealt with and what every person with or without a known difference deals with every day of their life. If I woke up every morning and knew I was going to win every battle and conquer every goal, why would I put forth the effort to try harder? Because you WILL NOT win every game, accomplish every goal, or be satisfied in how you handle your tasks. For me, soccer was the sport of choice. I hated going to practice. Hated, hated, hated it. But, if I didn't go to practice, I sat my little hiney on the sidelines come gameday. The lesson there was what made me think I could play above the other girls if I didn't practice? I thought I was good enough...I didn't need practice. Well, I wasn't...and had I not been pushed, I wouldn't have tried to exceed my expectations. Later, when I picked up golf, it was a little more difficult. I pushed myself. Not only did I want it to go further than the guy next to me, but I wanted him to try to out-do me, so I could step up my game. In the end, if my coordination was right and I actually hit the ball, I was a winner. If I got the ball in the hole, I was a winner. I didn't need praise or a medal to show I did what everyone else around me was doing, without being put in a "category."

For example, the comments that were left that stated the wrestler in the clip had an unfair advantage because he was "used" to having one leg and the opponent wasn't "used" to wrestling anyone that was different. Hmmm...wouldn't that mean the opponent might feel HE had the advantage. I mean I'm only speaking from experience, but what do I know?!?! That is where the lack of education (among other things I can't type) comes in and not only is he worried about if they are categorized the same, but who has the upper hand. THAT IS WHERE WE GO WRONG! It is not about winning, it's how you play the game. Sure, Anthony may have different techniques to moving about, pinning, or holds, but that doesn't give him an advantage. In fact, he probably sees himself equal as his opponent, as his opponent also probably thinks nothing of it. It is the people who are on the sidelines yelling in as if they know the circumstance. Kids, or adults for that matter, do not find self confidence or esteem in someone always telling them to "do better." Sometimes, that is their best, and whether they win or lose, they played the game. They feel as if maybe the effort they put in was good enough, but next time they're going to kick butt. We need to teach children (and adults) that it is OKAY to lose. Life will go on. If you are always telling someone to do better, you are not allowing them to accomplish what they feel they need to at their level.

So, now that I am done ranting, the point (if I haven't already made it...lol) is that ANY person, difference or not, should not be put in a category or feel as if they can't accomplish something because of what others say or if they don't always win. I say it all the time, have fun with how you function because it makes people wonder just what you are able to do....and if they sit back and watch, you may give them a dose of reality!

Love to All,

Brianna

School Days!

It has been a while since my last post. Mainly because of school, but also because I have been stumped as to what to write about. My goal is to inform, not spill. So, I sent a "tweet" out asking my followers what questions they wanted me to answer and my first responses were about school. How did you fit in? Was it difficult to adapt? And, ultimately, how was the school experience as a whole. In order for me to explain, you know I have to use real life situations...it's just better that way!

For many, school does not start on the first day of kindergarten. Like most, I attended daycare, pre-school, k-12, and now back in college as a "typical" student. When I started school, the idea of being a 'special needs' child never crossed my mind. A physical and mental challenge at times, yes. A challenge for overall social acceptance, absolutely. But, never once did I have to encounter any of the cruel and difficult hardships children with physical challenges face today. But was I a 'special needs' child? I don't know. I don't like to categorize anyone because unltimately we all are faced when challenges of different magnitudes. One of my best friends is an advocate for special needs children on all ends of the spectrum. Some easy, some difficult, some so challenging you start to question how many people, especially in education, understand kids with special needs. I admire her for her amazing work and dedication, and there are many situations I am able to relate to with these children on a social and personal level.

I started going to daycare at 6 weeks old. Granted, I only went the two days my Grandma worked (at the daycare I attended). I then went on to another pre-school, and eventually Elementary school. While I don't remember being hesitant about the younger grades, I refused to go to middle school. It terrified me to think I was going to this new huge school...like the kids were going to eat me or something. I cried for a week straight before school started, BEGGING my Mom to home-school me. Why? I dont know. It's not like I would've listened to her, nor did I really want it. I was perfectly comfortable with the kids and staff and I found no logical reason I needed to move up grade levels...nor did I want to have new faces staring at me. Ultimately, the fact was I didn't like CHANGE. Period. I tend worry about everything before there is ever reason to worry, but it's my nature to give myself ulcers! If you know me, you are smiling right now because you know I am not lying. :)

Well, turns out it wasn't so bad. Everyone else moved up to the 3rd grade with me. Funny how that works! It also helped (and hurt in my later years) that I had family friends as Teachers, Principals, and Superintendent's throughout my entire schooling career. The question was raised not too long ago regarding how I 'fit in' at school and if I was given any 'special' treatment. The short answers would be, like everyone else, and no. The reason was because I, nor my family, allowed me to be treated any different. In fact, even when I tried to pull the 'wamp-wamp' card, it was almost always discarded immediately. While I may not have liked it at the time, that was the best lesson I was ever taught. I can do anything everyone else can, sometimes the same, sometimes different, and somtimes better. But, in order to understand that, I had to fail on my own and do it again...ON MY OWN! If my Grandpa had it his way, he would have went to school with me and did everything for me...at all times. And, at times, it would have been great, but then I wouldn't get to be as bossy as I am today! Special needs children are the same. If you always try to help, they cannot be challenged on their own. One of my favorite little girls has Down Syndrome, and she also happens to be one of the smartest 5 year olds I know. She's independent and that is the most important trait a person who is faced with challenges can be blessed with.

One good thing was when I had band or P.E. and the kids wouldn't hit me with the dodge ball or steal the ball away from me on the court in fear they would 'hurt' me. That usually lasted about 2 weeks until everyone realized I wasn't sparing any ass-kicking on them. Band on the other hand, I pretty much sat and listened. I could play hot cross buns. That's about the extent of my instrumental talent....lol.

Junior high and High school brought on a whole new world. I'm not really sure how else to explain it. I would like to fast forward through this part and finish this post with my college career, but that would leave out the reason I am back in college and back under my parents roof (which I love!)...at 25. Like most teenagers, I went into Junior high...boy crazy. Well, kind of. I had one boyfriend from Junior high...through high school...until I moved to GA in 2007. (I don't think I need to name names...lol). But, anyway, Yes, that's a long time (I lost count). Yes, I missed out on the whole "dating" thing (which explains the reason I am against it now). And yes, I didn't move to Austin after graduation to attend the best Accounting school in The U.S., University of Texas, as I had planned on doing since I was little. But, that's beside the point, and had I persued that life, I would not have had the experiences that led me to who I am now. Other than the boy, I was a pretty good teen. I got a car when I was 14, hardship on my 15th birthday, and carted everyone around...and around. I was never exempt from any class, sport, or experiment. I still had to suit up (or out, I cant remember the term), type tedious reports for Ms. Brandon, blow up chemicals, and disect cats and pigs in my favorite Coach Little's biology and anatomy class.

In 2009, I went back to college to re-start and finish my finance degree. As I have stated in a past post, that has been my life since and until I graduate. I was devoted to taking care of other people and things for so many years, I feel like this is my time to do what is best for me. Selfish or not, independence and determination is all I have ever known and regardless if it is from having one arm, or simply my personality, I will not back down until my goal is completed. Thanks to my parents, I am able to successfully do so, with their support and trust in me and my fear of getting my butt kicked...lol.

Whether you are special needs, handicap, armless, toothless, all, or none of the above, you are faced with the same hardships of growing up. Everyone has a voice, everyone has an opinion, so when 2,000 kids come together it can get nasty. And sadly, now days it does. My advice for the kids and Moms I am friends with, or working with, who have or is going through some of these experiences, is to embrace it whether they are good or bad. Trust me, it isn't always going to be peachy keen, and sometimes you think there is nobody who understands, but it usually is more comical than not, and there are more children that are faced with challeneges than you realize. Most of all, it passes and you move on a stronger person.

So, get out there, dig in, and enjoy life!

Love to All,

Brianna

Silly Sleeves!

The seasons bring different meanings to people with missing limbs. For me, Summer was always when I felt most self-conscious. One, because you have spent fall and winter wrapped in clothes, able to hide your differences. Two, because now if you wrap in clothes, you will stick out like a sore thumb...like you're used to. So, the best advice I was given as a child is to either ignore comments, or stare back. Rude, but it sometimes works. However, I loved summer because I no longer had to fight with my shirts, coats, and jackets everyday!

With one arm, you tend to have this ridiculous problem with sleeves. You can roll them up (57 times a days), have them altered (which I never did), or simply have this huge jumbled up mess that makes your arm not properly fall by your side.<< That's usually Me!

Amber, my Mom will appreciate me telling you this story so you don't fall in her footsteps. :) I was not one that liked to get up and be rushed in the mornings. But, one morning in particular I had to be ready for Scottish Rite and to hurry, my wonderful Mother decided she would help me along by rolling my sweater, followed by my jacket. In case you dont know, trying to layer something that feels already like a knotted mess, isn't comfortable. My arm was only so long, so the more layer, the less force I had to push through more clothing. Anyway, she's telling me, "Bri, push your arm through the jacket." Me: "Mom, I'm trying...it's stuck!" Mom: "Let me look...I can see it in there, if you'd just push harder." As she is looking down the tunnel of the sleeve, my little arm broke through and punched her right in the face. I'm not sure who thought it was funnier, but I am pretty sure, I did. After that, not only did she refrain from looking to see if I was truly stuck, but realized once I was all tucked in, I was immobile. I could always leave the sleeve dangling (which happened in rushed or lazy cases), but then I felt like even if I wanted to hold something, there was the barrier, and forget about trying to eat or drink. ;)

Since I was only about 5 or 6 at the time, I didn't know my options on the different types of clothing and that there were places called "alteration" stores! So, as I got older, my jackets that are not roll-friendly gets the ax and shirts are typically rolled as normal. One upside is noone can share your clothes, unless of course they have one arm. Lately, what works even better than having alterations, is wearing a warm vest (like a bubble vest) in place of the jacket. It allows full movement of the hands and you dont have to constantly push your sleeves up. Typically, unless a jacket (with sleeves) is absultely necessary, I go without. Being cold is miserable, but not being able to hold, move, or open anything with a jacket on, is far more frustrating!

Don't get me wrong...if you count the closets that are stuffed with my clothes, you will clearly see I will make just about anything work, but it has to be realistic and adaptable to my circumstance.

Hope this helps a little...and now, you can go shopping! :)

Love to All,

Brianna

On my last leg...

A month or so ago I started running and immediately fell into training for my first half-marathon. While I have performed better than expected, I am still not completely sold that I am yet a "runner." I have, however, learned I am not a cold weather, bad weather, or any weather besides sunny and at least 45 degree runner. I'm not picky, really...just with this running business. So, this past weekend I set out for an 8 miler because according to my training schedule, that's how long I should be able to go. Being the stubborn, hard-headed, and ornery person I am, that's how far I was going to run...if it killed me. Thankfully, it didn't and I managed to finish, but then the fun began. The stabbing-knife feeling that sticks me everytime I walk has been haunting me as if I'm being punished for accomplishing the not so reasonable goal I set out to achieve. I have tried to forget about the pain radiating in my foot for the past couple days, but after exhausting my usual "walk it off" approach, I have come to the conclusion something just ain't right. I still think I can run it off, but I've been advised otherwise, so for once I should probably listen to what someone tells me to do. :)

With that, I am down to one foot. Something new to me. Never been down to one working leg, so, if anyone has any experience in this department and has an idea of some exercises to do that doesn't involve all your hands or feet, please let me know!! Thanks.

Love to All,

Brianna

Auto-madness!

Everywhere you go now days everything is automatic. Automatic stairs, automatic doors, and the restrooms where everything is automatic. There are some things in this world that are simplified for cleanliness, people with handicaps, and people who are just plain lazy. I'm sure we can all categorize ourselves accordingly. However, some of those things are a pain in the ass for us with no hands, small hands, or in some cases, normal hands.

I mean really, how hard is it to turn the water on, dispense your own soap, and release your own paper towel? Apparently, pretty hard. Over the years I have had many fights with different types of these devices because they do NOT work for anyone with a missing hand, of any kind. The instructions read, "Wave hand in front of sensor." Straightforward, right? Of course, if you have something to "wave" in front of the stupid thing. When you spend 10 minutes fighting with water that clearly does not speak back to you, it becomes very frustrating. I am not only speaking from experience, but I saw a kid with both hands trying to get the water to work with him and he looked at me like, "What's wrong?" I just laughed and said, "Don't worry, it won't work for me either." To me, it isn't about efficency, but effectiveness. Sure, automatic everything makes everyone move faster....I mean it must since it wants to think for you and send you on your way. But, it's not always the case. The it's the little things in life typical peers do not think twice about. And, it's times like these that I am happy to relate to a typical person with the same frustration while it being a totally different circumstance.

Another circumstance is that I am working with a teenage girl who finds it almost impossible to fit in socially because of the technological developments that are great for people who are able to use them, but alienate those who are not adequately suited to do so. For instance, the latest and greatest gadgets are the Ipad and Wii. When you are at the age where everyone has both and you cannot use any without it clearly being noticeable, the challenge becomes pressure and it completely takes the fun out of any activity. However, in order to be "socially accepted" you have to find ways around challenges. It never stopped me from the Wii, Ipad, or any other device because I didn't give it a chance. Yes, everyone moves out of the way when I am playing baseball or golf on Wii, and that the controller is tighly fastened so the TV doesn't shatter, but in order to overcome challenges, you have to live them. It really isn't all that bad once you figure it all out. Personally, I don't use an Iphone or touch screen, I have to use a blackberry because of the size and shape that fits in my hand.

The last question I received was, "How do you dispense candy from a quarter machine without it going all over the floor?" Good question. Another little fact nobody thinks about. The answer to that is, you don't use loose candy machines, or you use someone elses hand to catch it for you. Brooke would dispense mine and hers...Yes, she was 3 and I was 23, but she never minded, as long as I "shared" my handful with her. Hey, it always works out. But, if your like me, you just go buy a bag of candy....it may not last longer, but there will never be any wasted. :)


Love to All,

Brianna

Mousy Monday!

Today, a received an email from a Mom and mentioned how her daughter carries things under her arm or under her neck when trying to carry more than one thing, due to only having the use of one hand. My answer to this, after I stopped smiling, was ME TOO!!! You have to make use of what you have, however you can. That prompted me to think of all the things I've held using other parts. Not many of you think twice when carrying your phone, drink, and laptop at once. You just pick it up and go. When you have one arm, you have to analyze every situation carefully in order to dodge disaster. Like, laptop in hand, phone under arm, and drink?......no. Drink in hands, laptop under your arm, and phone goes in the mouth. Yes, PERFECT!

Not every situation goes that easy, but they ALL end up working out somehow. Three things you have to remember when living or being around someone with one hand: Your mouth and knees become your second hand and you can pretty much pick anything up with your feet. Sounds freaky, right? Trust me, after my 2nd round of braces, my orthodontist hates that fact! But when you think about it, how do you open a jar? Two hands. Nope, not us. You get on the floor, put it between your knees and after a while it pops right off. How do you open chips? Two hands. Or, if your like me, you pop them and hope the bottom doesn't fall out, or use your teeth. After all these years, just a couple weeks ago, my Aunt asked,"What happened to this bag?" and someone immediately responded with, "Bri opened them." Not only did that start a laughing fit in the house, but everyone wondered, "How the hell did you get it to open like that?" Again, it takes talent. These are types of things you (we) have to figure out on your own. Don't try to help, don't tell me how to do it, and don't mention, "It'll be easier if you just let me do it," because I promise, it's not. I will only ask for help if it goes all over the floor...and chances are, it will not.

Another short-cut to carrying things is to hold it up against you, very tightly. Makes it easier to control what you are holding...unless the thing is an animal, bug, or rodent. I, of course, was the tom-boy of the family. I mean, why not? Of course I wanted to hunt, fish, cut, climb, and anything dare-devilish. I climbed the kitchen cabinets to get what I needed, scaled the chest of drawers, climb fences, and whatever else I had to in order not to ask for help.

My sister wouldn't get near anything muddy, sweaty, or anything dirt related. My lucky mother was horrified at the fact I dug worms, chased mice, and caught every cricket in Ferris. What's wrong with that, you say? I had to bring it all inside to show my days work...held up against me as if the dead rodent was going to leap out of my hand. Grossed her completely out. I then would proceed to chase her and my Sis around the house because they were afraid of bugs and dead animals.....lol. I loved it! And yes, leave it to the 2-fingered girl to check mice traps, catch spiders, and rescue them from scary daddy-long legs. But, anyway, that's how I had to hold things because you can't cup anything in a hand with 2 fingers. It would fall through my fingers and tick me off. So, I killed everything that was captured. Sad now that I think about it, but at the time, that was the only logical option. Now, to you Mom's who want to know why everything your one-armed child brings you is dead, you know! It's not out of meanness, but determination. Very different. :o)

There are so many other stories, but I will withhold my grossness for another day. With that, I hope I have made you ready for what you have in store for tomorrow!

Love to All,

Brianna

Prosthetics, Part One!

I tried to think of a clever title to this post, but Prosthetics pretty much sums it allllll up!! :)

When born with a missing limb, the first thing someone wants to do is 'fix' it...as if it is broken. Truth is, it's not. Really. Shocker, I know. It is easier to adapt to situations with the limbs we are born with, without the use of a prosthetic limb. I was a patient of Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children from birth until they kicked me out at the age of eighteen. Sad, sad day! But, at the age of 6 months I was fitted with my first prosthesis. My Mom and Dad wanted me to have the option of using a 'bionic' arm versus my 'real' arm. Let me just tell you how that went down over the next several years.

I was a loving, quiet little girl throughout my childhood, but when I wanted something I made it known. I am sure my Mom would like to re-write this blog in her own words, but I will tell you the one-arm version. Much. More. Funny. (to me)

So my first arm I remember wearing fit my right arm, of course, and had a sling around my shoulders and when I reached, the fingers would open. I hated it. I cried when I had to wear the thing. There is no feeling, so it's like trying to win a teddy-bear out of one of those claw machines at Cici's. IMPOSSIBLE...trust me!! But, they insisted I 'try' to get used to it. So, I used it......to my advantage. When we would go to Walmart, like most 4-5 year old child, I would find a toy I had to have. When my Mom gave me the, "Bri, I'm not buying you the toy" line, I would come back with, "I'm gonna pop my arm off!" If any of you are parents, you know how embarrassing it is when your kid throws a fit in public. I didn't throw fits. I popped my arm off and let it dangle behind me. You want to know how long it took her to say, "Bri, put your arm back on and you can have the toy"? Not long. My poor Mother was given looks you wouldn't believe, but sweet little Bri got what she wanted. A toy and NO.MORE.ARM!!! She did not think it was funny, but I thought it was quite clever. I mean, how many kids can pop their arm off to get what they want? It takes talent.

When I went to Kindergarten, I think the only thing special I used were scissors made for me by TSRHC. Again, like the silverware, they were a hit. Everyone wanted to play with my scissors. By the end of the year, I used real scissors, and the 'cool' ones were no longer needed. But the fun had yet to begin. At the age of four or five I was learning to ride my bike with no training wheels. The arm attached to the handle bars and my arm just popped into it. A simple, but very helpful device. It made it to where I was level with my other arm and could balance myself on the bike. I admit, I loved this arm. I mastered the bike with no training wheels in no time and was all over town on two-wheels. If you don't know, I grew up in a very small town. The kind where you leave your keys in your ignition, your doors unlocked, and your arms on your bike. There wasn't alot of crime, but my sisters bike got stolen a couple times off our porch. Mine wasn't touched. I'm not sure if it was because it was barbie and had strings dangling from the handle bars or because there was an arm attached to the handle bars. My vote is for the latter, but I'll never know. I did not use the arm for more than a couple of years, I still had many body slides across pavement, but again, very helpful.

By the second grade, I had a myo-electric. Back then, it was the new 'bionic' arm. It had a sensor that open the fingers when my nerves hit a certain spot. Annoyed the hell out of me. Took me five minutes to get the pencil to stay in, then when I wrote it would tilt it was not worth the trouble. Kind of fun to wear when you didn't need to do anything, but useless to me when I actually needed to perform. At 8 years old, I didn't stay still long, so it got to hang out in my desk all day. I had a gymnastic arm, so I could do cartwheels like Jessica. And, I did. There was also the claw that I could screw onto it so I could pinch my sister back. My latest prosthetic was the golf arm in high school. Absolutely the best thing ever...for everyones sake. I wanted to play golf with my Dad so bad, but because when I swung, the club went further than the ball, I had to use an arm. It felt amazing to be able to actually hit a ball as far as everyone else. My Mom carted me an hour away twice a week for golf lessons with a professional golfer just so I could have the experience. To this day, I still like to play. Do I play well? No. Do I want to play a round? No. I just like to hit the ball and know that I was able to, even if it meant wearing the arm. I will tell you the contraption I have to get into the make it happen is almost as funny as watching someone swing and miss (not that I ever do), but to know I'm not going to kill anyone when I play, makes it all worth it.

The arms sit and collected dust until Halloween time when they got farmed out for props in neighbors yards. I am pretty sure between El Fenix and Magnolia St., my arms and silverware are still playing roles in very different ways than TSRHC doctors anticipated. But, each one tells a very different story.

So, while you may think it's easierto function with ten fingers and ten toes, it depends who you ask, and what you're trying to accomplish. But, don't think I won't try something just because I don't look able-bodied....because if you know me, you know I will!!

Love to All,

Brianna